Visitation: Day 1

Our family made it through the first night.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013, was the first night for Jayson's visitation at Glenn Abbey Mortuary. It had been over a week since Jayson was taken from our home in Murrieta by the Riverside Coroner's office. This would be the first time we see him in the casket. I was nervous about seeing him again and questions filled my mind. How would I react when I first see him? How would Henry & our kids react? Would the mortuary do a good job in preparing Jayson? Would he look like Jayson? The questions kept coming.






Henry, Kristen, Keilani & I arrived just before 4:00 p.m. Justin was already in the parking lot when we arrived and we waited for him to get changed before we enter the chapel as a family.  There were a few other family members there already, but the doors would not be open for public viewing until 5:00 p.m. Henry, our kids and I were allowed to go in at 4:15 p.m. for some private time alone with Jayson.

As we walked in, I noticed the light blue wall across the room, Jayson's favorite color.  It was as if the chapel was customized just for him.  On the right side of the chapel were two TV monitors that showed pictures of Jayson while a solemn music played over the speakers. To the left of the entrance was a table with the guest book, service folders and prayer cards with Jayson's picture on it. Next to it was a basket with a flower arrangement from the Nash family, a family we became friends with while we were stationed in Hawaii. To the right were two seating sections of about 15 rows of benches facing towards the other end of the room.  At the end was Jayson's open casket with a beautiful floral arrangement of blue & white roses on top of it.  Immediately to the left of the casket was a framed portrait of Jayson on canvas. On both sides of the caskets were floor lamps along with an assortment of flower arrangements sent by family, friends and various groups.

As we walked down the aisle towards Jayson, I was surprised I wasn't yet crying or overwhelmed with emotions. There was a peace that came over me as we approached him.  As soon as we got to Jayson's casket, I noticed that Jayson's face looked very peaceful, as if he was just asleep. The mortuary did a great job with Jayson's face.  I had given them a picture of Jayson taken in August of this year to show them how Jayson had looked. I noticed the few strands of hair left on his chin. I was glad they didn't shave off  what was left of his beard as I had requested. He was so proud of the beard that he had just started growing out in August, but most of it was removed while he was in ICU in September. I also noticed that they added a little hair just above his upper lips. Jayson was still bald for the most part, but I did notice that his hair was just starting to grow out again. Overall, I think Jayson would've been pleased with the touch ups that were done.

I touched Jayson's face and said a short prayer. I then noticed the tears slowly coming and I  wasn't alone. Justin, Kristen & Keilani were all solemn and Henry was quiet and was pleased when he saw Jayson. Like me he was in peace and comforted in knowing Jayson was no longer suffering, but with his heavenly Father.

Keilani's note to her Kuya Jayson

After a few minutes, we began adding final touches around the casket. We had brought some strands of cranes that were hanging in Jayson's room. We placed a string of colorful cranes on each side of Jayson. The color just jumped out against the cream-colored padding they were on and next to Jayson's white long-sleeve polo shirt. Keilani wrote a note to Jayson and we put it next to Jayson along with our family picture. We also placed a rosary on his hands. We added another string of cranes above Jayson's portrait and at the podium. Once we finished adding the final touches, we just spent some quiet time reflecting on what we were seeing. We took some pictures and then invited other family members to come in a little early to pay their respect to Jayson.

In the back of the room, near the entrance, my sister, Jannette, and other family members displayed pictures of Jayson with family & friends.  They also added more strings of cranes on the collages.  It was great to see Jayson smile and personality in the pictures.

More people began filing in and made their way to Jayson. The eyes of many of them were filled with tears as they looked at him. Some touched him, while others just stared at him and said a prayer. Most of them had visited Jayson at the hospital or at home. Those who weren't able to were more overwhelmed at seeing Jayson because the last time that many had seen Jayson was while he was in remission or when he had a full head of hair. Most visitors came to express their condolences to me, Henry and other family members throughout the night.

At 6:00 p.m. we began the rosary and completed the 9th day of the novena we had started the day Jayson passed away.  After the novena, we again invited visitors to approach Jayson if they wanted to. I wasn't able to talk to everyone who came the first night, but I remember most of them who were there. We are very grateful to all who came to say "good-bye" to Jayson during the first visitation.

At 7:00 p.m. my brother played a video montage he made that shared Jayson's story through words and pictures. (I will post video separately later this week.) Watching the video brought a range of emotions and many tears. This was the very first time most of us had seen it and Jerry did a great job producing the slide show.

I know that our family is not the only ones who have been heavily affected by Jayson's passing.  We know there are many who are grieving and hurting as much as we are. During the latter part of the visitation a few of Jayson's friends and cousins shared their fond memories of him during the eulogies. Some brought laughter while others brought out tears.  Jayson has touched so many lives and he will be missed dearly. We know that God called Jayson home because he had completed his mission on earth, but even knowing that doesn't lessen the pain we now feel.

We were able to get through the first night of visitation with the help of so many people such as our family, friends and the staff of Glenn Abbey. A special thanks to Auntie Luz, Jeanette & Celia and other co-workers from Microwave Solutions who managed all the food donated by visitors in the hospitality room which allowed us the time to talk to Jayson's visitors. Thank you to everyone who was able to come by the first night.

Dearest Jayson

Thank you for your prayers and expressions of condolences. Jayson was laid to rest yesterday afternoon on a beautiful day. I will have a post in a few days that described the visitation and funeral.  In the meantime, I wanted to share this poetic letter written by my sister, Jannette, to Jayson.  God bless you all.

Dearest Jayson

As I lay here thinking about your life and what I should say,

I find myself thanking God for sending you our way.

I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of you,

You handled your illness so courageously and fought on through and through.

I was there in the delivery room and saw how happy your mom and dad were.

Your Ate Kristen tried to give you away, because she really wanted a girl.

I’m sure her feelings changed since then because I know how much all this hurts her.

Despite what she said about you back then…you were a perfect brother.

There’s a special bond that you have with your Kuya Justin, Ate Kristen, and Kei

No matter how far apart you seem to be, nothing can ever take that away.

I can’t even begin to imagine what your parents are currently going through,

But I must say that I’m so proud of them for never giving up on you.

They spent days and nights at the hospital, each and every day.
Holding your hands, and kissing you, and finding the right words to say.

Your mom did an incredible job with the blog, and I’m so proud to be her sister.

You’re sitting up there in heaven now and I know that you really miss her.

Thank you for always loving your cousins, especially my own four kids.

They will always treasure the memories together, and all the kind things that you did.

I am sure that you’re with Tita Anna now, and she’s there taking care of you,

Please tell her that I love her and miss her and that she’s being thought of too.

I take comfort in knowing that you’re now happy and healthy up there.

Surrounded by all our loved ones, God really answered our prayers.

We must now go on living our life without having you physically here.

We will be there to comfort one another year, after year, after year.

It was an honor to “Walk With You”, Jayson.  You are now finally pain free.

I ask that you return the favor, and always come walking with me.

I love you…I miss you…May you rest in peace.

Love always,

Tita Net

Left But Not Alone

"What comes easy won't last. What lasts won't come easy" 

(Posted in Jayson's Facebook, 2/6/13)

Last Family Picture

It's been 4 days since Jayson passed away. Many tears have been shed, many questions have been asked and many emotions have been felt. It's early Saturday morning and I sit here in my bedroom, looking out the window as another day begins. The sky is gray, the air is cold and a slight breeze whispers through the palm trees in our yard. It looks like it rained last night and I expect we'll see more rain today. From where I sit, I can see our neighbor's yard with the palm tree that has the images of Christ and the Virgin Mary that I shared in our blog. It's a reminder to me that Jesus and Mama Mary were still watching over us.

During these past 4 days, we've been physically busy. Many family and friends have come by to express their condolences and offer their help. Many have shown their support by bringing us food, sharing a hug, listening to our concerns and participating in our 9 days Novena prayer every night for Jayson. Henry & I have been going through our "To Do" list to make sure we have everything ready for Jayson's services. We have already made the arrangements for Jayson's visitation and funeral services and the information was shared in the previous post.

He was never alone

As we try to go on with life, we see and experience God's blessings for our family. We experience it through the kindness and support of family, friends, hospital & hospice personnel and even strangers who've heard of and are touched by Jayson's story. We know that we are not alone in this journey and God has made sure of that.

We know that God has continually been with Jayson and our family. On Tuesday afternoon at about 2:15 the hospice nurse noticed that Jayson's vitals were declining and this was confirmed by other family members who are nurses. Keilani was scheduled to get out of school at 3:00 p.m. but our dear family friend, Deacon Noel, advised Henry & I not to leave and to find someone else to pick Keilani up. I immediately arranged for Keilani to be picked up by our friend, Luz and then called Kristen & Justin. They were both in school and I told them to come home as soon as possible.

Wondering what she's thinking

As my attention returned to Jayson, I couldn't help but stare at his face. My heart told me that it was getting close to that time. Jayson had been asleep since Sunday night.  He had opened his eyes only twice since that night and only after he was re-positioned in bed. Each time he did open his eyes, it was more of a reaction from being moved than anything else and when I looked at his eyes, Jayson wasn't there.

As I sat next to him this past Tuesday afternoon, I prayed and held his right hand. I remember whispering to him to hold on and try to wait for his brother and sisters if he could. As my aunt & uncles continued to monitor Jayson's pulse and body temperature, I continued holding his hand with Henry beside me.  I looked around at the faces of the family members who were there and tried to read the expressions on their faces to see if any of them could confirm what my heart was telling me.  But most of them just had expressions of sadness and concern. As we surrounded Jayson's bed and the minutes went by, I watched each shallow breathe he took.  To my surprise, he opened his eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat with excitement and anticipation. But this was short-lived. He took two final breaths and then he was gone... I just vividly remember leaning closer towards him and saying "Thank you Jayson for showing mommy your eyes for the last time".

A friend till the end

I thought I was prepared for what was expected, but I was wrong.  The overwhelming sense of loss and the heaviness in my heart just brought on a flood of tears that ran down my face. Henry wrapped his arms around me from behind, trying to comfort me while his own tears went down his face. "My baby is gone...My baby is gone." was replayed in my mind over and over. I remember thanking God for allowing Jayson to leave us so peacefully and so gracefully. This was a beautiful ending to his life here on earth.

Over the next few hours, family members and friends came by. Many who arrived the first hour were not aware of Jayson's passing and their reactions to the news ranged from anger to sadness. It was especially difficult for me to see the reactions of Justin, Kristen and Keilani as the reality of Jayson's death hit them. It was also very hard to see the sadness in the eyes of Jayson's friends who were able to come by before Jayson was taken away.  As I looked at each of them, I felt their pain and shared in their sorrow. It didn't matter how long they knew Jayson or how much time they spent with him, the sense of loss was the same. Life will never be the same for each of them because of Jayson's death, but I hope their lives will be better because of Jayson's life.

Services for Jayson

VISITATIONS

Glen Abbey Mortuary Chapel

3838 Bonita Rd.

Bonita, CA 91902-1233

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

5:00-9:00 p.m.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

5:00-9:00 p.m.

FUNERAL SERVICE

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel

13541 Stoney Creek Rd.

San Diego, CA 92129

Saturday, November 23, 2013

1:30 p.m.

Burial after mass about 3:00 p.m.

Glen Abbey Memorial Park

3838 Bonita Rd.

Bonita, CA 91902-1233

Please join us in honoring Jayson by wearing 
something light blue at his funeral.  Thank you.

For further information or directions, please see www.glenabbeysandiego.com.

If you will be sending flowers to the mortuary, please reference Jayson's name
and please do not send them before Wednesday, November 20th.

An Angel is Born

At 2:52 Tuesday afternoon (11/12/13), an angel was born. After almost 2 years of battling cancer, Jayson passed away peacefully and gracefully at home surrounded by his family. It with great sadness and heavy hearts that we share this news with you. However, it is also with great joy because we know that Jayson is now with his heavenly Father, our Lord and Savior and no longer suffering or in pain. We know that God has welcomed him to His kingdom saying "Welcome back my child! Come in for I love you."

We are comforted in knowing that Jayson is no longer suffering and in pain. He is no longer in his earthly and ill body. He is now in his heavenly body singing hymns and praising God.









We are grateful to all of you who have already expressed your condolences to us. We thank each of you for your prayers and support. We know how blessed we are and we know how great God has been to us.  We are thankful that God told Jayson to "Go back my child" because He gave us an extra couple of months to spend with Jayson. Each day was His gift to us. We are thankful that Jayson was able to come home and be with us for almost a month! We are also thankful that he is finally home to begin his eternal life with Jesus.

Rest in Peace Jayson.  Your memory will always be with us. Your story will always be in our mind. Your smile will always be in our heart. God has blessed you as you have blessed us. We will honor you by living the life that is honorable to God. We love you and will miss you.

Please Pray

I ask for your prayers for Jayson. He is not doing well and may soon be called home.

He's been having issues with shortness of breath this past 5-6 days. Yesterday we noticed that he was confused a lot, talking about random topics.  He would have moments of clarity and we could communicate with him, but those moments seem to get fewer and fewer. He got more restless in the early evening, sometimes moaning. Then later that evening he didn't want to take some scheduled medication.  This was the first time he refused to take his medications. Usually if he wasn't ready for it, he would tell me if he needed a few minutes, but would then take it as promised. We also noticed that his hands and feet were cooler than the rest of his body. This could be an indication that his heat regulating system was failing.

A hospice nurse was sent to our home late last night to monitor him and administer additional medication to help keep him calm and allow him to sleep. Of course this means that we aren't able to interact with him. We just continued to talk to him because I've been told that hearing is one of the last things to go. So, I pray that he is able to hear us.

Henry contacted my mother-in-law and our oldest son,Justin, last night to let them know of Jayson's condition. Justin arrived with my dad just before midnight. My mother-in-law soon arrived after them with my brother-in-law.  We have been taken turns being with Jayson, making sure he's not alone.

The first hospice nurse left about midnight, but another nurse took over and is still with us.  He has been updating us on Jayson's vitals and according to him there are indications that Jayson's body is slowly shutting down.

Please pray for Jayson. If it's Jayson's time to go, we pray that he doesn't suffer more and that he will go in peace.

I want to end this post by sharing this quote that I found posted on Jayson's Facebook last night. Based on the date of this posting, Jayson was in remission at this time.

"The things you take for granted, someone else is praying for. Be thankful." 

by Jayson 2/12/13

Just Believe

Jayson has been doing well overall the last couple of days, but this wasn't the case this past Wednesday.  He was experiencing shortness of breath most of the morning which got us very concerned. His breathing was very shallow and he kept opening his mouth to exhale, sometimes making a sound each time he exhaled.  We also noticed that he was using his chest muscles and shoulders to breathe.  We contacted Elizabeth Hospice to get some advice on what we could do for him. They sent over a hospice nurse to evaluate and monitor him for about 3 hours.  They also sent a hospice doctor to examine Jayson that afternoon.

They determined that Jayson still had fluids in his lungs which limited the amount of air he could inhale.  We started giving him some morphine as needed the rest of the day to help with the shortness of breath.  We also gave him medication to help him urinate more frequently in an effort to reduce the fluids in his lungs. After several doses of morphine, his breathing improved.  We didn't have to give him any after 9:30 since he was breathing better and slept most of the night.  He still experiences some shortness of breath at least once a day since then, so we've had to give him morphine each time.

Soon after starting chemotherapy, we noticed that Jayson was getting tired more easily. He usually needs to take a few moments to catch his breath after doing a simple movement such as lifting his lower torso up while in a reclined position on the recliner. Fatigue is one of the side effects of the chemotherapy medication he is currently taking.  Aside from some slight abdominal cramping, he hasn't felt any additional side effects.  We ask him often if he's in any pain or discomfort and most of the time he tells us he's not.  I hope this is the case, but I'm not completely sure. It could be that he's gotten used to having pain and it has become a normal part of his life now. It just makes me sad to see him go through all this.

Jayson getting ready to eat his dinner.

Jayson's appetite for solid food hasn't been that great this past week. So, when he asked for some popcorn shrimp and cheddar biscuit from Red Lobster on Wednesday afternoon, I made sure to get it that night for dinner. As usual he didn't eat much, but we were happy to see him eat about a third of his plate. This is one of his favorite foods and it was the last meal he had prior to getting intubated in the hospital in September. When I asked Jayson how his dinner was, he gave an approving thumbs up!

A thumbs up for his popcorn shrimp dinner!

Jayson listens as Keilani reads a Care Bear story.

After dinner, Jayson remained at the dining table to help Keilani with her math and spelling homework.  I noticed that she was more cooperative and complained less about doing homework when it was Jayson helping her. After completing her assignments, Keilani read her books while Jayson listened. It was nice to watch the two interact and I only wished I had caught this moment on video to share.

On Tuesday morning as my sister-in-law walked in our backyard, she saw an image on the trunk of our neighbor's palm tree, and brought it to my mother-in-law's attention.  After staring at the tree a few minutes, she saw the image as well. She told my mom about it and my mom saw a second image directly underneath the image.  Henry took a picture of the tree on Wednesday afternoon. Here is a picture he took. Do you see what we see?

What image do you see on this palm tree?

The first image on the upper portion of the trunk looks like the frontal upper body of Jesus Christ. If you look at his head, you may even see a hint of the crown of thorns on his head. Do you see it?  The second image, directly below the image of Jesus looks like a profile of Mama Mary with a veil on. Her right arm is outstretched to her side. We also see a dark spot where her heart should be? Both of my mom and mother-in-law got goose bumps as they saw these images and they shared their finding with us. The tree is in the backyard of our neighbor who is directly behind us. My mother-in-law said that our home was blessed and Jesus was watching over us and Jayson.  Is this a pigment of our imagination? Is this a coincidence? Henry showed the tree to a Chaplain who was visiting Jayson that day and he was amazed at it. He said this was a natural shrine.

On that same day, as I was driving home from Red Lobster, the license plate of the car in front of me caught my attention.  It may be hard to see the license plate in the picture, but the license plate is "JS BELVE". To me it was short for "Just Believe".  Was I misinterpreting the meaning of the license plate? Was this another coincidence? Or was this a message to me from God? My heart tells me this was God's simple message to me knowing that I sometimes have my doubts about Jayson's amazing comeback each time his situation got worse.  After seeing all the miracles we have seen with Jayson these past months, I don't know why some doubts still linger. Sometimes I try to find a logical explanation for each miracle I've seen in Jayson instead of just accepting the supernatural and merciful power of God. I ask myself what else does God have to do in order for me to completely remove all doubt that God is going to heal Jayson? Perhaps this is a time when I should be childlike and just believe.