"I'm Happy"

Last night around 9:00, Jayson woke up from a nap and asked for his smoothie. He was alert and so Henry & I had decided this was the time we talked to him about what was discussed in the family meeting earlier that afternoon. I was on seated on a chair to his left and my mom was on the other side of the bed. Henry was standing next to me. While I was feeding him, I told him that we wanted to talk to him about what went on the meeting and asked him if we could talk about it after he ate.  He told us that we could talk about it while he was eating. So, in my mind I asked God to give us the right words to explain to Jayson. And he did.

We told Jayson about the graphs that Dr. Zabrocki shared with us and explained what the graphs showed.  I asked if he wanted to see the graphs, but he didn't want to.  We explained to him his current condition, the status of his liver, kidney, respiratory and bone marrow. We also talked to him about what we hope will happen and the other scenarios that can happen in the near future. We explained that there is a race between the cancer cells coming back and his bone marrow producing healthy blood cells. We asked if he understood all that we were telling him and he said he did. 

Aside from his current condition, we talked about our options should the cancer cells return before the healthy blood cells.  We discussed the possibility of being taken care of at home versus at the hospital. I asked him if it was important for him to be able to go home.  He said "It would be nice to visit once in a while".  As we talked, we could not help but get teary-eyed.  We told Jayson how much we love him and he told us he loved us to as he wiped away his own tears.  This is only the third time that Jayson has cried in front of us throughout his battle. I think he couldn't hold it in any longer when he saw us in tears. He gave each of us a hug

We asked him if there was anything he wanted that we could give him. He said, "No. I'm fine. I'm Happy." I just sat there staring at him in awe and admiration.  Here he was fighting for his life, but he was still happy. Only God's grace and love can bring him to this realization. We told him that even though the future may be grim, we were not giving up hope. We had God on our side and with Him anything is possible.  We encouraged Jayson to continue praying for his healing and we told him there were many people around the world praying with him.

Jayson told us he still wanted to live. He still had the will and inner strength to fight these cancers. The question now is: does his body have what it needs to continue the fight?  Only God knows the answer and in time, that answer will be revealed.  In the meantime, we will continue to love and support Jayson in every way we can, through prayers, through words of encouragement, through our presence and through our faith. 

It’s been said that God knows all and sees all. So, I know He hears our prayers and sees Jayson's faithfulness and struggles. And in time He will provide Jayson with what he needs, for His plans are greater than ours and His will be done.