Just Believe

Jayson has been doing well overall the last couple of days, but this wasn't the case this past Wednesday.  He was experiencing shortness of breath most of the morning which got us very concerned. His breathing was very shallow and he kept opening his mouth to exhale, sometimes making a sound each time he exhaled.  We also noticed that he was using his chest muscles and shoulders to breathe.  We contacted Elizabeth Hospice to get some advice on what we could do for him. They sent over a hospice nurse to evaluate and monitor him for about 3 hours.  They also sent a hospice doctor to examine Jayson that afternoon.

They determined that Jayson still had fluids in his lungs which limited the amount of air he could inhale.  We started giving him some morphine as needed the rest of the day to help with the shortness of breath.  We also gave him medication to help him urinate more frequently in an effort to reduce the fluids in his lungs. After several doses of morphine, his breathing improved.  We didn't have to give him any after 9:30 since he was breathing better and slept most of the night.  He still experiences some shortness of breath at least once a day since then, so we've had to give him morphine each time.

Soon after starting chemotherapy, we noticed that Jayson was getting tired more easily. He usually needs to take a few moments to catch his breath after doing a simple movement such as lifting his lower torso up while in a reclined position on the recliner. Fatigue is one of the side effects of the chemotherapy medication he is currently taking.  Aside from some slight abdominal cramping, he hasn't felt any additional side effects.  We ask him often if he's in any pain or discomfort and most of the time he tells us he's not.  I hope this is the case, but I'm not completely sure. It could be that he's gotten used to having pain and it has become a normal part of his life now. It just makes me sad to see him go through all this.

Jayson getting ready to eat his dinner.

Jayson's appetite for solid food hasn't been that great this past week. So, when he asked for some popcorn shrimp and cheddar biscuit from Red Lobster on Wednesday afternoon, I made sure to get it that night for dinner. As usual he didn't eat much, but we were happy to see him eat about a third of his plate. This is one of his favorite foods and it was the last meal he had prior to getting intubated in the hospital in September. When I asked Jayson how his dinner was, he gave an approving thumbs up!

A thumbs up for his popcorn shrimp dinner!

Jayson listens as Keilani reads a Care Bear story.

After dinner, Jayson remained at the dining table to help Keilani with her math and spelling homework.  I noticed that she was more cooperative and complained less about doing homework when it was Jayson helping her. After completing her assignments, Keilani read her books while Jayson listened. It was nice to watch the two interact and I only wished I had caught this moment on video to share.

On Tuesday morning as my sister-in-law walked in our backyard, she saw an image on the trunk of our neighbor's palm tree, and brought it to my mother-in-law's attention.  After staring at the tree a few minutes, she saw the image as well. She told my mom about it and my mom saw a second image directly underneath the image.  Henry took a picture of the tree on Wednesday afternoon. Here is a picture he took. Do you see what we see?

What image do you see on this palm tree?

The first image on the upper portion of the trunk looks like the frontal upper body of Jesus Christ. If you look at his head, you may even see a hint of the crown of thorns on his head. Do you see it?  The second image, directly below the image of Jesus looks like a profile of Mama Mary with a veil on. Her right arm is outstretched to her side. We also see a dark spot where her heart should be? Both of my mom and mother-in-law got goose bumps as they saw these images and they shared their finding with us. The tree is in the backyard of our neighbor who is directly behind us. My mother-in-law said that our home was blessed and Jesus was watching over us and Jayson.  Is this a pigment of our imagination? Is this a coincidence? Henry showed the tree to a Chaplain who was visiting Jayson that day and he was amazed at it. He said this was a natural shrine.

On that same day, as I was driving home from Red Lobster, the license plate of the car in front of me caught my attention.  It may be hard to see the license plate in the picture, but the license plate is "JS BELVE". To me it was short for "Just Believe".  Was I misinterpreting the meaning of the license plate? Was this another coincidence? Or was this a message to me from God? My heart tells me this was God's simple message to me knowing that I sometimes have my doubts about Jayson's amazing comeback each time his situation got worse.  After seeing all the miracles we have seen with Jayson these past months, I don't know why some doubts still linger. Sometimes I try to find a logical explanation for each miracle I've seen in Jayson instead of just accepting the supernatural and merciful power of God. I ask myself what else does God have to do in order for me to completely remove all doubt that God is going to heal Jayson? Perhaps this is a time when I should be childlike and just believe.